Never Being Satisfied
I grew up in the countryside of Japan, surrounded by beautiful mountains and beautiful ocean. The life I lived seemed to be no different than any other, but I felt as if there was something missing deep within my heart that couldn’t be satisfied. “Is there something different? Why am I alive? Is this the way a human being should live? Does God exist?” Many thoughts came to my mind, but I ended up ignoring them, because I couldn’t find the answer, and I couldn’t trust anybody anyway.
So I made a choice to not worry about all the thoughts, but enjoy my life now. After all, there is only one life. There is no God. There is no God that was any answer. All my life I tried to live like somebody else, wearing the same kind of clothes, trying to fit in to the group that I was in. I even knew that there was no love, no true friends, but that we all were tolerating one another, having shallow relationships. When I became a high school student I desired to be a marathon runner, not because I loved running but because I wanted to be famous and I wanted to be better than others. So I did 50 km of training every day. All I thought about was to win the race, to get glory, honor, and everything for myself. But I never attained to this, so I gave up when I became a university student.
When I was 20 years old I thought about the life I lived and I started hating myself. I’d had enough. What is life? Japanese society exasperated my life. I thought maybe I could change if I went to another country, so I decided to go to Australia. I became a member of W.W.O.O.F. [Willing Workers on Organic Farms] working in the beautiful natural outdoors and nice environment. I worked with different farmers and I ate good food, but I still couldn’t change myself. So I went from farm to farm.
One day I was looking at the W.W.O.O.F. book and I found a very interesting advertisement: Peppercorn Creek Farm — “Sixty people of different nationalities live together as a Community.” When I saw this, something spoke to my heart and I really desired to go there even though I couldn’t speak any English.
The next day somehow I got to the town where the Community is. It was just time to gather and people were starting to sing and dance. “WOW,” I had never seen anything like this before. They were so joyful. But at the end of the gathering they were all praying to God. I thought, “This is religion; this is not what I want,” because I had fear and hatred of it. So many religions are trying to be right and dominating the world, even warring against other countries for this reason. If God exists shouldn’t there be peace on the earth? He will give life to people, won’t he?
But even though I had these thoughts I felt something different about these people. So I lived with them and worked with them. I got to know this people more and more. Somehow my heart started to change and I loved to be with them because they live for one another and love one another, understanding each other. The love they had is not from them but from the God in whom they believe and follow. The love causes them to help one another, and the love lets them be one. This love I needed and was looking for, as this love was missing in my heart.
They taught me that it is impossible to be who we are without a true relationship with the Creator. Finally I got to see what was happening in my heart, never being satisfied, not because the Japanese society or culture is wrong, not because other people hurt me, not because of my parents, but because I never listened to my conscience. That was the problem. That is why I would never be satisfied. I had made wrong choices.
Now through this people I could change and be restored to the relationship with God (whom I have come to know through His Son Yahshua) and I live all my life for Him. Because I’m satisfied, I have hope and joy, true friends surround me, and I know this life will never end.
I hope you will see the same things that I saw, we desire to find more people with the same heart. Please come and see…